Eddie and Oscar

Eddie Murphy has been named the host of the 84th Academy Awards. But at 84 Oscar is so old school and boring, he'll need a lot more than Eddie and the year’s notable movie producers and directors to bring in the ratings. Oscar needs a major makeover and a Mountain Dew IV.

Here’s a few suggestions on how to bring Oscar back from the dead.

1. Get rid of the symphony orchestra! It puts me to sleep. Call Harry Connick, Jr. and his band. How about Wynton Marsalis or the American Idol Band?! Bring some culture up in that joint. Give me something I can to bounce to.

2. Create a montage of films this year that have made an impact even if they were not boring enough to be nominated by the academy. Recognize filmmaking as an art for all, not just a small, snooty community. Poor people buy movie tickets, too.

3. Enforce some type of dress code. Perhaps a Puffy all white party. Or wear colors to represent a cause. Pink for breast cancer. Green to support the troops. Blue if you hate the GOP. A yellow rose if you’re a Scientologist. (Yes, there are gangs in Celebrity-land). This would give Halle Berry and Nicole Kidman something interesting to talk about on the red carpet and bring meaning to the show. Okay, maybe that would be asking too much. :-)

4. Invite Michelle Obama. Why? Because she’s the shyt and would make it rain on all of those Tinsel Town ho’s, wearing a dress from H & M. The name Obama still equals ratings despite what the polls and haters say.

5. Three hours is too long for any ceremony, including church. Cut it down to 2 hours by skipping categories like sound mixing, sound editing, and visual effects since I always change the channel during these. And skip “Writing (adapted screenplay)”. Somebody already wrote the book. How hard could it have been?

6. Let the winners rant, cry and make stupid remarks if they want to. They’ve been pumped up for weeks with gifts, ads in the trades, interviews and magazine covers. Then they win and the Sandman sweeps them off the stage right after they thank God, their momma, family and facebook friends. Let them go on and on and wait for the audience to boo them off the stage. That's good TV!

7. Look alive! Hire a warm up comedian. Keep the drinks flowing. Hand out crack. I mean, candy, during commercial breaks. Have oxygen tanks available for the seniors. Keep the audience entertained and present. Most look like they just woke up from a power nap when the camera pans to them.

Well, that's a few things I'd do to resuscitate ole Oscar. Good Luck, Eddie! You’re long overdue. And to the Academy, I’m available to do consulting. *whispering* Call me.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.